Saturday, November 12, 2011

When will be the ending of the story?

13 November, 0130am, cold

When will be the ending of the story?

Reading looking viewing thinking
The story still continuing
Feel angry when knowing about the story still in live
How come others have such a good luck?
Maybe I’m the bad luck
Every time when I reading or viewing about it
I’m quite curious how come it won’t happen on me
But others have that chance
Is it the world is so unfair
Or I’m still at the back hoping thing to be change
More or less I’m hoping others need to be paid for the thing
Unfortunately, the more I’m hate, the more the story won’t end
Maybe I should forget about it
Restart my system and memories
It should be better and make my life feel relax

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

09 August 2011
Tuesday, rainy

The Date
Suppose is a happy Day
A monthly Reminder in the Diary
A reminder to myself
Happy moment sad Memory
A mystery problem
Finally get the answer
The day before the Date
A new starting to other
New history begin over there
Sad history begin over here
A joyful celebration for the new History
A loneliness celebration for the sad History
A blissful greeting over there
A wordless greeting over here
Huge answer sending to me
Solved apart of the mystery
Feel better at the end
Nothing to be blamed
Silent and facing the truth
All is just a fate

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

the day

19 April 2011 , 2137pm

There is the day
The day where coming soon to me

I still remembered there is a historical moment in my life during the day
After I'm finished with my phone
I’m walking to the window
Looking around left and right
Curious… there is nothing
So I’m going to opened the door
And I saw a big huge box putting on my brother’s car
I took it and bring back to my room carefully

There was a big sweet teddy doggy sleeping inside the box
A little cute super Mario mushroom accompany the doggy
And also a purple birthday card putting inside the box

All of the detailed I still can remember
Because after some incident
All those thing already become a part of the history in my life

Actually I don’t hope thing that arrange by myself during that day
I really hope there is another big box that I can receive from the same person
But I know it will not happen to me anymore
It just become a historical moment and memory in my life

I really hope everything never happen at all
Thing still remain as previous
Cheer up together
Hang out together
Missing and caring each other

But time is running
Thing is changing
And I myself also have change a lot
I become stronger and tougher than before
I’m growing from the fallen

But sometimes I do have my own feeling
I really hope everything never happen at all
Every year still can get the warm and caring

Can I just make it as my every year birthday wish?
Most of the time
When we make a wish during our birthday time
It really works and comes true in the life
Can I just make it start from this year??
Can I just reverse back the life tape?
To get back the thing that I’ve lost?

I know I’d wake up
But sometimes really hard for me to forget about it
That thing I really thought it can long lasting till the end of my life
But now it stops at the middle
How could I accept it?
But somehow I’ll try to make myself awake from it
There was a great historical memory in my life that given by him
Happy birthday to me in advance

Friday, April 1, 2011


2 April  2am

cool man...
just a single and simple word or essay can lead a big and huge imagination to the fellow
really admire to him that have such powerful mind of thinking

a place for me to write and release my feeling and mood
but sometimes it also can easily become a place and polluted people's mind

leading and causing people have some thinking
and treating such thing as real

about this, i got nothing to said if everyone is doing so
just one word " go ahead and congratulation"

i don't know how to advice my good imagination fellow
and also totally lost the direction to giving the advise

but if everyone thought this is the best way to trace some resources
then i just can said

you are going to a wrong place and destination

but really hope that fellow can stop doing such fcuking silly action
to care a friend and worry about a friend

what im doing rite now
really enjoying with my current life

im far more better than the worried
im free of worried in my life

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

a sudden thinking

31 march

Something or memory appeared in my mind
Makes me awake from the feel to sleep
Suddenly think about him
Someone who leaves a lot of memory in my life
Maybe after the incident
I keep finding a lot of method to make myself to forget about it
Numb with it
That’s why I can lives till today after one year
Suddenly I had such feel
Maybe as my friend had told me
“Maybe you are not fully let go or forget about it”
Maybe is it
Or maybe not
I myself can’t get the answer
If everything doesn’t happened
How good is it
Everyone lives happily ever after
Won’t happened the stranger life
But I know
It already become a history in my life
I’d be strong
I‘d lives happily than before
I’d stand up instead of continue falling down
I shouldn’t continue thinking about backward
I really hope to get another relation
But I have not found anyone yet
Or is it I’d let go everything
Then I can get a new one??
Really hope I can recover from that incident
I must always talked to myself
“I can do it”
“Let go n continue my life”

Monday, March 28, 2011

feeling when looking to someone

29 March Tuesday 1238am

A stranger feel when I looking to someone

When we were young
We don’t know each other
When a coincident happened
We met each other in the same classroom
When we were in school
We started get to know each other
When we are friend
We played like crazy

This is how we know each other

When we are close friend
We tried to know each other more
When we understand each other
We started have our relation
When we have the relation
We caring and loving to each other

This is how we gone through our relation life

When we get into the society
We planned to learn more
When we feel that we are grown up
We had different thinking
When the decision is been made
We don’t wish to waste each other time
When we had the conclusion
We let go the relation

This is what happens when we have the different thinking

We are now back to the beginning
And now we are stranger to each other
We saw each other
And we looking each other with different feeling
We walking on the same path
But we silent
We talking to our friend
But we still trying to see each other from far away
We chatting to friend
But another was standing at behind or far apart

This is what will happen when stranger meet each other

Story begins;
I know he will go to have a movie with his friends
And yet I know after the separation
We won’t have any fate or luck to meet each other on the same path
Therefore I just wish to see him from far apart
But on that day
I was hiding behind
Slowing down my speed when I saw he talking to my friend
When show end
He was walking
Pass by in front of me
But the feeling when looking at him
Can’t be like previous
It just a feeling like I’m looking at a stranger
Previously we are together
And now we are stranger
When left the cinema
I can’t see him anymore even his friends
Our fate to meet each other really less
Maybe that is our fate

He not much changed
Still the same
Just the distance of walking between me and him already not the same as previous

Sunday, January 30, 2011

winter day in malaysia

31 Jan 2010, 1.26am

a cold n freezing day in Malaysia
Sky keeps raining from early morning till now
And never stop at all
Make me feel so cold and hiding myself on my bed
Cold weather is good and enjoyable
I love it together with the rain
Raining is my best friend
I love raining

Don’t know what happen to me
Maybe I’m over utilize my energy since my preparation for exam and vacation
Today I slept a lot
After back from market
I went back to my bed sweet bed
From 9am sleep till 6pm
Totally like the 21st century sleeping beauty
But I’m not beauty
I’m sleeping naughty
But now I still feel sleepy although I sleep a lot for today
More or less it also being influence by the weather
Cold weather and a nice sweet dream

Chinese New Year is coming to town very soon
And just left than one more week to go
But I still haven clean my room
Haven put on my Chinese New Year decoration on it
Wipe my window and change my bed sheet
Everything still not done yet
I’m so lazy
I’m going to start it before Chinese New Year eve

Yesterday went to cinema have a movie with my family
I feel so happy and at the same times family feel is with me
Long time never watch with them
So happy and hope it will get more in future

Cheer ah….
Be hardworking girl and clean my room
Wish myself a happy Chinese New Year and a clean room to sleep
What a funny wish that I’ve made for my own

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

diary of January

26 Jan 2011, 0235am

Two more weeks to go
Chinese New Year will be coming to town
During Chinese New Year everyone will go back to hometown and celebrate with their family
To me, I don’t have any out station hometown
KL is my hometown

When I was young and kid I love Chinese New Year
But once I grown up I feel bored with it
If whole day didn’t get any single invitation for outing
Beside can get red packet from relatives
It also quite a good day or period where I can have a rest at home as well
Watching television program, eating New Year biscuit made by mummy, online then sleeps

A new year is coming soon
Then what is my fate and luck for this year
Good or bad
Should I rely on it? But I’ll just read and go
My wish for every year is the same
Wish my family member stay healthy and happy always
As well as people around me also must stay happy

One more thing I can’t forget that’s is ask god take care with my studies as well
I know I’m a little greedy naughty rabbit who ask for so many wish
Cause god has to do extra work
As long as family and friends are happy and healthy then I’m happy with it as well
>>> Happy New Year to myself and my family and friends as well <<<

While typing this blog
I’m listening two songs
The song makes me a bit emotional
I feel upset but at the same times I’m okay
My mind is empty
Nothing to worry or thinking
But what makes me feel upset? Curious with it
After when to sleep and next morning I’ll be fine
Just the song influence my mind and emotional

Peoples always said “friendship forever”
Do these words really work?
What ingredient that we must put inside in order to get a friendship forever?
Caring, tolerance, respect, sharing, enjoying....anything more?
Sometimes really hard to read people’s mind
Too many obstacles for me to read their mind

Different people different thinking
Some can hide away their problem well and not sharing to others
Some are finding another party to release the unhappy feeling or mood
Some are choosing to eat a lot to cool down their anger or feeling
Really different people different mind and different perspective
Even myself also not really good in handling friendship problem

I don’t love to share to others
When face problem I only hideaway myself and release my feeling to my hand writing diary or my lock myself in the room or empty place for few minutes to cool down myself
sometimes my acting cause others worry about me
I feel sorry to them who are worry about me
But at that moment I just wish to have a silent place n relax my mind

No matter how or what types of the friendship we have either normal friend, best buddy or close friend
The most basic lesson we must learnt is to respect others

Saturday, January 8, 2011

my mood on Saturday

08 Jan 2011, Saturday

almost few weeks i seem like staying in the prison
due to final exam is coming to town
no choice but must face the truth

just now i watched a drama
the speech of the heroin makes me recalled back some incident
last year 2010 Jan 3 was a bad and darkness day of my life
from that incident
it has change my life
i get and learnt a lot knowledge from that day
i should thank to the one who give me such knowledge

but the fact is
sometimes i still not fully left out everything
i still back to the past
referring the past
this is one thing that i don't like myself
but i still a normal and emotional mankind
however, i will ask and pull myself back to the future and current

i believe in one day i can completely step up and ignore the past
but when is the day will comes to me?
I'm wondering and asking as well
the one seem like every enjoy the one's life with the new one
i should wish them
they found their happiness
but in fact
m i really wish them from the true heart or hiding my feeling?
the only person who know the exactly answer just me

i should learn to stop viewing the one's profile and new one's as well
the more i view the more i think and suffering myself
blaming myself reminding myself

sometimes when thing is in front with us
we thought we already appreciating
but in fact how much percent that we are actually putting it?
the amount is still blur
but when thing has gone from our hand
then only we know how much percent we has contribute during the appreciation

i did a big mistake before
and a didn't put enough percentage of appreciation cause i lost everything
but i didn't blame myself or anyone

just reminding myself to work more harder in future